please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
