She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
