I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
