Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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