If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
birth control should be required to get into college
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
