There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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