Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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