I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
