I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You're earring is so big in my mouth
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
