I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
