Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
