First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
