He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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