$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
