I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
