nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
