He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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