this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
