Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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