I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
