my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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