The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
