i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
