I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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