I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
