why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
