I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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