Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
