remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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