I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
