Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
