JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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