i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
