why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
