I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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