I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
