I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
