So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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