that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
