If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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