He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
