belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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