she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
