she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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