Do you still have your period?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
