I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
