Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
