Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
