he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
