Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
