that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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