K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
